so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
