:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
