just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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