I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
