did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
