it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
