Kareoke will never be a sober sport
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
