If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
