Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am naked and annoyed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
