i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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