o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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