So drunk its hurt
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i out mim tonsoeep
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
