i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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