So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
