i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
