who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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