So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
