So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
