Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
