Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
