it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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