I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
