you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
