Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
