Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
