lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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