NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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