I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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