I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
