she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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