Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
