It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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