you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
