something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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