It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
