I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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