u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
