You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
