Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
