Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
that is very illegal...i love you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
