In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
