Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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