PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
