He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
