i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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