i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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