i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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