Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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