So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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