When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
