He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
