he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
