I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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