come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
