I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
