He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
