this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
