i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
