I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
